SMILE all you can; girl _







Blogging had become my "buddy" recently...

The first time i can't control my emotions, before finishing my words, i broke down and cried. Thks God jiejie sat beside me. If not i wuldnt know who to turn to. And maybe i wuld just run out and disappear.

What's really going on in my life now? Even saying out part of it didnt help much. Had that feeling of not being trust worthy at that moment when i share it with him and him and her. But i cnt help but to share with them! They're the few who usually listen to my heart and give solutions for it.

I'm behaving as if i'm 2 different people. The normal one you know in the day and the crazy, emotionlly break-down, grumpy, depressed, whatever negative you can think of can be found in me, in the night. I'd enough of this, really enough! Not being able to sleep in the night makes me think super lots of stuff. causing me to be lyk as if i've got isomia. It's hard, real hard! ):

Maybe i'm really not good for everything? I can't control my emotions. Sorry God! I break your heart once more. I think of him again. Perhaps, i shuld just dissapear and isolate myself from everyone for awhile to clear this mess up. It's getting worst and there's no one i can "consult". Where did my loving environment gone to? Why am i facing the totally opposite stuff now? I DON'T WANT!!!

i'M SUPER LOVE IN THE PAST BY EVERYONE & i'm not now.
MY PROBLEMS ARE SOLVE THE MOMENT I SHARE IT OUT & it don't seem it is now.
PEOPLE UNDERSTAND WHAT I WANT AND THINK & it's not for now anymore
I CAN HAPPY GO LUCKY EVERYDAY & not for now.
I GET WHAT I WANT I IN THE PAST & now nothing anymore.
JUST A RING I FOUND SOMEONE FOR A HEART TALK & now it's different.
e.t.c e.t.c~
If this is part of growing up, pls can i say i'm scare?

I've been fearing lately.. Very seriously. Particularly on everything? I thought i'm daring de?

Things and people change? Only God still remains faithful! But why am i so rebellious? I still, wanted human to be included in my life. I need someone to talk to when i face sth difficult, sth down, sth shocking e.t.c.

Having that weird character - My burdened heart need to be shared out and someone willing to listen and able to give me their "words", den i can be free from tt thingy. Works lyk a cycle. Used to this cycle. Now, everyone's so so busy. No one have the time to stop and listen to me. Even if have, it's not thoes who i can share my heart with. God, send me someone who i can empty my physical body.

Is me being too sensitive or is the fact? Him seem's to don't wanna talk to me now after he heard what i shared? tell me it's not true. So everythingy is back to normal. I don't mind even knowing that i've actually gone thru 1 week of tough time and in the end it's for nth. I really dun mind!

My thinking need some wash up pls! It is now As if puzzle fallen out of place. As if a tidy room being ransack. As if Babies crying non-stop. As if sprinter running in a race. WTH? I want a peaceful brain with fully loaded brain juice!

I am starting to get tired of myself and things and pple ard me ardy. PLS!! just stop it. I want my smile and peace and assurance and confident and emotions back.

It's it really that impossible? .........