wednesday, 15 aug, 2007

Blank-o illusions ``

Asking Why describe my illusions as blank?

Cause at that very moment everything seems nth to me. Blank?? how i wish i can know how my future will be. so tt i wuld know what im struggling to be the best in now is all worth it in future.

im still not able to get rid of my "worry too much" sickness! lols. whatsoever larhs. im just tired some how. whatever im typing now may be totally "out of topic" with whatever im goin thru now. i just hope i know what im struggling and wanna achieve in the end.

life still have to go on no matter what. no matter how much i dun feel lyk. no matter how "ren xing" i am. no matter how much i dun wanna grow up(so tt i dun have to care so much bout what im caring bout now and be lyk a lil girl, protected and loved.) no matter how much i worry bout thingy. no matter how much complains i have. ya. and this is life. those are the areas i have NO CONTROL over. i have no choice but be good and continue with life.

Totally have no free dreaming time for myself anymore): Everythingy seem "moving" so quickly. can i shout "STOP"? S-T-O-P!! yes. stop.. im not use to what im in now. seriously. im worn out. any humans care pls?

CARE doesnt mean ask me alot alot of questions expecting me to tell you all tt had happen. But instead, to me, its being able to understand how i feel automatically and you wun ask so much but just be dere for me. and i can "lean" on you for a lil while without feeling any stress or pressure or the fake-y me. with a pure heart of just lending me a support with care and wun looked on me with a weird sight. Knowing when to speak, what to speak.

whatever. a weird description again to you pple.

i really met pple lyk this before. and im glad. but... why ain't i finding tt person for the pouring of all this?

he seems weird to me recently. i hope its not because of tt fried rice. i dun dare to talk to him. i dun know what the tutu is he thinking. but he seems to know whatever my brain is generating. *not fair* i dun wan him to misunderstood tt im goin a lil too far. Fried rice.. appreciate you, decided to make sth for you. can? why fried rice, its a long long story. sorry!! can see you're real tired. i dunno what more can i say. not in words can be make clear. but I DUN LYK MISUNDERSTANDING!! haiis. tell me im worrying and thinking too much lerhs, alright? many time i wanna send you ): in the end still decided not to. i dun wan you to think tt im so....... i hope im not bringing you irritating.

ya, i admit. im still trying to hide every single "tt" felling towards you. i almost dun wanna and dun dare to face you. so??... doesnt mean whatever i do is because of my "tt" feeling for you. thou im blur sometimes, but im very clear on this thingy! really.

aiiyahh. whatever. i zi lian the whole night. while i cant think of what im thinking. lols. and i finally know what stress really is lerhs. ):

see how bad my eyes conditions is?


Stay even when i ask you to go away.